I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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