Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Even my vagina gasped.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
