hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
