I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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