so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
