It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
