i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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