I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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