I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ketchup is God's man juice
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
