Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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