Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ass is underappreciated
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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