You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
