dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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