I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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