funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
