I skipped work to stalk him.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
