Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
