Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
