It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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