one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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