Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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