Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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