An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
