youre lurking in front of me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
