remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
