The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
