then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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