dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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