I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
