her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
