There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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