I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
