ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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