Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
