Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
