this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
