My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
