My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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