I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
