Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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