I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
