PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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