Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
