he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
