I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
