Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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