you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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What happened to fro yo and sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette