Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat