I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers