he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
