ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

  Fav 7 3340 837

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I smell stomach acid.

  Fav 13 1074 3159

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

  Fav 33 7855 1004

  share tweet
  

• (607): View more from New York

  Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked

  Fav 25 5133 1051

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how to spell recollection?

  Fav 16 5794 1709

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

  Fav 12 2824 6298

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (562): View more from California

  it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with

  Fav 14 5122 1240

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

  Fav 6 2929 1111

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

  Fav 5 2224 966

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.

  Fav 8 1489 733

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work

  Fav 9 709 1305

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary

  Fav 9 515 1007

  share tweet
  

• (638): View more from

  Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.

  Fav 4 990 477

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.

  Fav 3 619 335

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask

  Fav 1 63 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize