Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!