Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
