You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
