if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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