they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone came in the potted fern
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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