This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
