Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
