He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize