officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
