Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
