I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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