What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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