so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
