how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
