I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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