Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
