I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
