went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
