She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
