Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
