Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
