This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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