thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
