He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
