I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
