I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
