just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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