if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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