the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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