I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
