wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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