I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
