Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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