Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
